Loving That Gay Child!

Sometimes, as Christian parents, we get so beautifully lost in our Spirit-filled, Tongue-speaking Christian world until something hits close to home and you’re jolted back to reality, the complex reality of the times we live in that gets you thinking... What if? 

Homosexuality has always been a controversial issue especially amongst religions all over the world and we, as true Bible believing Christians know it is a sin. Period.

One of the greatest fears of Christian parents is having their child come out as a gay. Asides being against all that the Christian faith teaches, the shame of having to deal with fellow Christians within your circle is so great, that you wish you could make your child NORMAL!

You get sad, angry and confused wondering where it all went wrong. These are understandable emotions to feel at that moment because it affects your feelings and perceptions about your child and makes you question yourself as a parent. The feeling of pain, anger and shame often translates into how that child is treated and eventually leads that child into depression and most times, suicide. 

Such was the reality of a conversation I had with a very distraught mother -  my very close friend, a Deaconess and whose husband is also a Deacon in her church. They just discovered their daughter is gay and secretly got married a year ago to her partner, who everyone (family & friends) knew as her daughter’s ‘Best Friend’. The daughter had left home two years ago when she got a job to share an apartment with the 'Best Friend' and everyone believed they were just flat mates.

Now, while the daughter is threatening suicide if her mum continues to curse and threaten her, my Deaconess friend is going crazy and thinks she failed as a mother and feels so ashamed. She thinks she must have done something wrong for God to have afflicted her with this ‘curse’. Really?

After all, her husband is a Deacon while she is a Deaconess in the Church! They have always lifted up their children in prayers, been faithful in their service and love for God, have done everything right in bringing up their children in the Christian faith and all four of her children have been very active in church! So, what went wrong?

Nothing. Life happened!

While I let her cry in-between expressing and explaining her pain and grief, I gathered as much understanding and gentleness as I could and my first words to her were – “Please don’t hate her. Show her LOVE.” Yes, LOVE! I told her she’s an amazing mum and her daughter’s choice has NOTHING to do with her parenting!

First of all, all of human desires have been corrupted by sin, yet Jesus Christ loves us unconditionally!

A lot of Christians find the whole topic of homosexuality disgusting and may be offended by my thoughts on this… wait until it comes knocking at the door of someone very close to you or at your door.

• ·         Can we really, really love like God?

An authoritative answer to this question is an affirmative “Yes!" But How? Is the question we should be more concerned with.

When we have children that have made decisions contrary to God’s will and ways, what do we do? When you find out that the child you spent your whole life training in the ways of God is now an addict, or a homosexual, or a hardened criminal, or some other heart-piercing conditions they now claim is their reality, what next? And when it’s not like they are asking you to forgive them for the choices they have made, but are revealing this to you as a condition you need to accept, what do you do in times like this? Do we throw our children out and disown them if we find them drunk, greedy, sexually immoral, etc?? Really, what other options are available? Remember, all forms of sin and unrighteousness will keep us from inheriting the kingdom of God - unless we come to repentance:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ‘Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God’

It is a very sad situation to find yourself in as a parent, when the kids you once looked on with so much tender-love in their innocence have now become people you cannot understand. Have you then failed in your duty as a parent?

The answer is NO! Don’t beat yourself up, you did your own part and God has seen that.

Truth is, as humans, there’s not so much we can do, other than to teach our children, and pray for them to follow the paths of righteousness shown to them, while we as parents continue spending time in the place of prayer asking God for grace and wisdom to navigate the storms of life:

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

• ·         You have to show your child unconditional love

Having to come out as a gay in a society where homosexuality is regarded as a big issue and in a home where it is a taboo, takes a lot of courage. A lot of homosexuals have been shamed, bullied, threatened and even banished from their families and close circle of friends and in some cases have ended up in the child committing suicide – a tragedy no parent should go through!

You have to know that your child took a great risk coming out and telling you about their sexuality. Although the urge to react in the typical outraged way is expected, it is however best that you treat your child kindly and show unconditional love because they trust you enough to open up to you. Rather than be judgmental, love your child and love them unconditionally as that is our job as both a parent and TRUE CHRISTIANS.

As a Christian, yes, I do believe homosexuality is a sin. A parent does not have to accept or like the choices the children make, but must show love to that child more than ever before.

We MUST love them even while they have strayed from our Christian beliefs we hold very dear, because our love MAY be what brings them back. We must love them like God does love us, if we ask the Holy Spirit to help us. For GOD is love, and if He lives in us, then we have a chance of expressing that kind of love if we truly know Him:

1 John 4:8 ESV “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

In dealing with people, God has instructed us to use “love” as our watch-word. Well, in dealing with our children, love must also take first-place as well. I mean they are humans as well, right? And much more, our own beloved children.

Love is a word that finds better fulfilment as a verb that is as an action, rather than being a noun. The love that we always speak about happens to be more practical than mere spoken words. We learn this from the author and originator of love itself; Father God. When God claimed to love us, this was what He did; He sent down His only Son whom He also loved to come into a world full of sinners and then die like a common thief. (John 3:16)

We also learn that God came to love us while we didn’t have anything about us that was to be loved. This was and is the true of expression of love:

Romans 5:8 NIV “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

• ·         How do we love like God?

It is important to understand that to love others and our children like God, the first step is to know God. This is not about how long you have been in church for, or what classes and courses you have taken in Christian education or Theology, neither does it mean what positions or gifts or offices that the Spirit might have blessed us with. These things are good, but are not a direct reflection of our knowing God. To know God simply means to “LOVE.”

1 John 4:7 ESV “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”

Love is not in words, but is as simple as practicalizing it. It is in our love that we know if we have truly known God, or we are simply going with the tide.

If you must love your children and be patient with them even when they have gone astray, then you need to ask God for help to really know Him and come to the conformity of His Spirit and nature. The Spirit in us gives us the fruit of the Spirit that is essential for our resemblance to God:

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. -

The Spirit is in you, available with this love and these characters of God, but here is what to do to make it work - We have to very consciously keep in step with the Spirit:

Galatians 5:25 NIV “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

In conclusion, whatever you do, NEVER stop praying for them to come back to the knowledge of Christ. Keep in touch with them and continually show them the love of Christ as a parent!

As a true believer of Christ, one of the most important Christian messages is to always show love to everyone around you regardless of who they are, what they are and where they are from.

If you ever have a gay child, relative or friend, you have to show the true meaning of God’s love by being understanding and accepting them as HUMANS. It doesn’t mean you accept that way of life!

You have to show your child the unconditional love that Jesus shows to all of us who struggle with sin daily.

After all, the bible says in John 8:7 “When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

As humans, we are all flawed creatures hence it is not in your job description to judge!

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